guru gian k (houston, TX) wrote this to me 2 days ago and i’ve been investigating it:

you mention frustration and disappointment … you realize of course that is a judgement of your SELF. how useful is that? somehow what you’re doing is a payoff for you (not just you… it works that way for everyone). you could investigate what that payoff provides you.

your SELF is already mastered… there’s nothing to do with it but be it. it’s always ego, and the instant payoff it wants fulfilled, that takes us off on other journeys/experiences.

the ‘little you’ gets something that it wants, from any choices you make, that you regret later. somehow, whatever suffering you feel from any SELF-sabotaging choices is satisfying to the little you on some level.

only thing that works for me is remembering how i felt after i made a choice in the past. then i decide what consequences of my actions i’m ok with. sometimes, i make choices that serve my SELF and sometimes i don’t. why to beat myself up in my mind about it, too? …i already got the consequences. it won’t change what’s past.

every moment is a new opportunity. forget the sweeping judgements … acknowledge every single victorious moment you can.

remember how you feel in your body when you do something that works for it.

as long as we have a mind, battle with the ego to keep it as a servant will be there. you know this.

now, here’s how i applied this study to a temptation i was faced with last nite:

when things finally calmed down around here after 3 days of intense, non-stop work where i have not even gone out of the house, missed my work-out in the pool, had not even gone to the store or for a walk, i wanted to eat! about 8:30 pm (that’s right before i would be going to bed)

got all wrapped up in my mind, envisioning the treat i was going to put together for myself

i remembered about what i’ve been studying and managed to put the breaks on my ‘monkey mind’ – thinking about how i feel when i eat late at nite and especially thinking about going to sleep with that fancy-pants snack in my stomach

what consequences i’m ok with and what am i not ok with

i was able to get far enough away from the impulse to not act on that desire and compromised with a dish of plain yogurt

it helps me to break it down, especially when i’m real tired and prone to reaching for satisfaction from the outside

the ‘little me’ would have been very happy to have a more remarkable snack

but the consequences would have been to suffer this morning

i chose to refer to and foster my relationship with my Self and have an empty stomach for my early-morning yoga and meditation

and, now i’m practicing what i’ve been teaching these days –

when you make a good decision, stop and feel it

yum

thanks, guru gian, and happy valentine’s day to all!

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stop & feel it

what consequences i’m ok with and what am i not ok with